Sometimes a Boy is Just a Boy

My older boys!

It is true, sometimes a boy is just a boy I should know I have four.  Still even amidst the copious amounts of testosterone in my house I so often forget it.  Many of you know that my oldest son, Lincoln, was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome the spring before his 6th birthday.  Asperger's falls under the umbrella term of Autism which is just a term used to diagnose kids with certain developmental disabilities and at times behavioral ones to.  Lincoln is a blessing to our family and I wouldn't change him for anything, he has a unique take on life and views the world around him with different lenses that color my world with blessings and trials.

Part of the struggle of parenting a child with any disability, but especially one that deals with both behavior and development is determining whether the behavior and actions you're seeing in your child has to do with the disability or if it is just the child.  I am coming to find out for my son that more often than not it is more a case of "He's an eight-year-old boy" than "He has Asperger's."

This actually makes my life easier.  For when he is simply being a boy I know that there is hope in that this stage won't last forever.  That I can teach him, or Husband can teach him, what he needs to know so he can grow into the man God has destined him to become.

So whether your child is a boy or a girl, disabled or not remember that Sometimes a Boy is Just a Boy...unless she's a girl and that time is the ultimate healer of the struggle you're facing today.

Ideas, Ideas, Ideas…

So I've been thinking a lot about this blog, and how over the last couple of months it has languished. That of course has more to do with my many children than it does with my wants…my ultimate goal would be to have this blog more visible to others on the web and in keeping with that goal I want to go back to my original plan of having a blog that encourages parents in parenting their children with special needs read (in Autism/PDD). I've even been contemplating branching off onto another blog (under a different name) just for this purpose and keeping this blog as a means for keeping friends & family updated on what we've been up too. Of course the dialogue goes something like this in my head:

Me 1: I really want to reach a better audience for Christian parents dealing with Autism, I mean there are so few books out there with the Christian slant on Autism. I know we can't be the only Christian parents struggling with these problems. If I started a new blog I could really focus on it, give it a title worthy of the topic like "Life Under the Umbrella"

Me 2: Are you crazy?! You have 5 children! 1 on the spectrum, 2 with dietary issues, 1 very demanding baby when do expect to do any extra blogging?

Me 1: I know I know, it sounds crazy but it also sounds really cool. I could even go through a different domain like Word Press that is more comment user friendly…then other parents could post comments and help each other out too. I think it could be awesome.

Me 2: Yes I know it sounds great but the time investment…Thaddeus still isn't sleeping through the night and you're running on coffee too much already.

Me 1: Well I still have more research to do. I probably wouldn't start until after the first of the year, maybe not until Thaddeus is one.

Me 2: Are you sure you're just not suffering from blog envy?

Me 1: Probably, but even still it's a great idea.



You get the picture. On a good day I'm convinced not to do it half the time and convinced to do it half the time. I'm still not sure. You can comment below and give your two cents in the debate. I know if I do branch off that I'll focus more on family and crafty stuff here and not so much there. So yes, everyone would still get their kid fix :)

The other reason I'm not sure is that it is November and I still haven't posted about my 31 day purge from August. So I'll give you the brief run down. It really was more like 25 days. I got rid of a ton of stuff, though I still have a long ways to go (read in crafting supplies need to be gone through). However, I have noticed in the last week or so how much faster it takes for me to clean up the house and less depressing it is to be home. I'm not overwhelmed by a bunch of junk so getting up off the couch to clean is easier. Also, since there is less stuff to clean it doesn't take that long.

Back in October I woke up and decided to paint a room in my house, more specifically the utility room to turn it into a sewing room for myself. Now before the house purge being able to do this, by myself with 5 kids at home wouldn't have been a possibility. I would have spent the first 4 hours cleaning out the room just to get it prepped to paint. By the time I actually would have gotten around to the point of painting I would have been exhausted. Yet, since the room was already cleaned up all I had to do was move some furniture around to clear it out, wash the walls and it was ready to paint. Truthfully, I had the room primed before lunch! I think that was the biggest deal to me in solidifying how important the purge was.

I know you're all dying to see pictures and while it isn't truly completed I'd love to share what I have.

Before Pictures

After Pictures

Now I'll be honest and say that I've back slid a bit into compiling things again, so I'm thinking another purge is in order…maybe in January? I think it would be a great way to start off the year. Of course if I really wanted to start off the year great I'd do it in December…well I'll think about and pray about it.

Thanks for being a unwilling ear for my ranting yet again.

Counting and Comfort

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Lately I've been counting a lot and not just to make sure I have all my kids with me.  Truthfully it started a few years ago with Samuel and my earnest desire to help him calm down when he needed help, though in doing so I've found an incredible parenting tool.  It isn't difficult or strange but it just isn't one I've really ever thought of sharing, so I thought I'd share it now.

One of the hardest thing that parents have to deal with is staying calm when our children aren't.  I know that when my babies are crying and I don't know why my heart starts breaking, I want to know what is wrong, I want to comfort and fix the problem.  Yet when they're crying so hard you can't understand a word their saying and you feel the frustration filling you there is something you can do, and it's simple...count.

Yes.  It is amazing how the simple act of audibly counting can not only cool my frustration, open my mind to what is most important, comforting a hurting child.  Some hurts we can't fix as parents, those are the hardest, some can but take a little ingenuity and time.  However, in order to get to the bottom of the problem we first have to calm the child.

I have found this to work many different ways.  Today for example, Elsa hurt herself in speech therapy and I was there when she came running to me for comfort.  Now I knew what had happened, but I didn't know how badly she was hurt yet I knew the worst thing to do was to jump in an start accessing how badly she was injured because what she needed most was comfort.  So as she clung to me, tears streaming down her cheeks I counted. One- then took an nice breath, Two- another breath, Three- I could tell the worst was over, Four- the tears slowed, Five- her therapist visually saw her calm, Six- I could feel her trying to match her breathing with mine, Seven- her cries were now whimpers, Eight- Tears almost gone, Nine- she squeezed me just a little tighter, Ten- she was all better and ready to go back to her therapy.

In situations where my children get hurt, I have found that counting helps them.  I can't spout the science behind the reasons why it works, just that it works for me.  Yet with Lincoln I find myself counting a lot too.  He struggles so much to deal with a world of people and emotions that he just doesn't understand.  I wonder sometimes if he feels like he's in culture shock all the time.  Often when he's tired, sick or just having a run of the mill bad day I find he tends to easily fall into the trap of tantrums and is unable to calm himself.  So I count, though I do encourage him to count with me too.  I find that the stress is relieved from me in his fuss and he finds comfort in the slow, rhythmic beat of my counting. 

This is by no means an absolute in the world of parenting.  I'm sure that many will try this and it will fail miserably for them.  However, for our family it works and if this knowledge helps just one other family it was totally worth sharing.  Despite having 5 children I am by no means an expert, many days I just barely make it through.  So in knowing that someone might be struggling with a fussy baby, a child with autism, or simply needs one more tool in that ever growing tool box for helping a distraught child I thought I would share.  Because most times the only thing our children really needed was to know that we cared enough to stop and comfort them in their distress.

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May you all have a great week!